Collections of all what'sapp funny quotes.
Peace is when a couple disagree and then the wife buys their child a t shirt written MY HUSBAND IS STUPID...And then the husband buys the same child a t shirt written MY NEIGHBOUR'S WIFE IS BEAUTIFUL..... that's when peace will just restore itself without the wife complaining 😂😂😂
Matatizo ya kulala bila nguo usiku baba,mama,na mtoto wame lala
Gafla mtoto kaamka
Mtoto:mama nataka nikakojoe
Mama:chukua tochi hapo uende
Mtoto:akanyoosha mkono anaazakupapasa kumbe baba kalala uchi mara akashika uume wa baba yake akizani tochi
Baba:(kwakuzuga)we acha iyo haina betri😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Nakuja nimeitwa kidogo
Ushwahi vuta bangi alafu kwa njia unakutana na mamako unamwangalia for 10 minutes alafu unamuuliza, 'si wewe ni ule dame hupika kwetu'.??
High school ulikua unahepa msee uko na deni yake the whole day, usiku unampata amelala kwa bed yako akikutegea.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Nakuambia creativeness itanimaliza .When i asks bae for a kiss on phone she send this 😘😘😘 it's okay but when bae asks for money on phone I send💸💸💸 anasema niko Na mchezo kama mtu anataka kubaki single.
SHE: bae ile belt inakaa poa tunaeza icheki?
ME: poa if its nice nitabuy...😊
ME: hii belt ni doh ngapi...
SELLER: 8k
ME: ati 😳 kwani ndo inatumikanga kufunga ndoa...
😂😂😂sipendi kubebwa kaa sahani ya muthokoi.
Uku ndo mlisema dem mweusi aezi kula chocolate bila gloves za white ndo asijiume vidole
Ama si apa
*Mume alimpa talaka mkewe ,baada ya wiki moja baba yake mwanamke akafa,yule mwanamke akapewa urithi milioni 100 ,mwanaume kusikia ivo akampigia simu yule mwanamke akwamwambia "nina mimba yako*🌝
Dating a working lady while you're unemployed
it's Hard.
She'll dump you by saying:
"This Relationship it's not working ,just like
you",😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Lakini kukua na dem ako na ball ni tricky.. kidogo kidogo
mmelala usiku unaskia anakuamsha "baibe baibe enda uniletee
duster ninuse."😂😂😂
This one has killed me😂😂
Good news!!! Be informed that you can now buy unga with your N.H.I.F card in any supermarket if you are not feeling well mentally.
*Ili utajirike lazima ufahamu mambo makubwa mawili*
*Mambo yenyewe hata mm siyafahamu ndomaana sijatajirika*
*Tuendelee tu kuhangaika ndugu yangu hakuna namna*
*Wale watu walikuwa wakipita Kiswahili High School I hope siku hizi nyi huongea na sauti ghuna*😂😂😂😂😂😂
Kuna madem husema men are dogs.
But ukiwistle they turn around!
Now my sister,tell me who is the dog??
😂😂😂😂😂😂Si ati ni beef!! Eeeh mjibu !!
You wearing size 11 or 12 n you calling it a shoe ...
My brother that's a skateboard😂😂😂.
Lakini madem wengine hukua vitunguu tu! Imagine, msupa anacome all the way from Nakuru City to see a guy in Nairobi county. Anafika ndani ya keja ya boy alafu msee anatry kumdara then anasema, "you should stop this! I didn't come for this!!
My sister, what did you come for, to charge your phone??!!!
A teacher wanted to demonstrate how harmful alcohol is to his class.
So he put an earthworm in a bottle and asked Collin 'what do u see'?
Collin: Sir i see an earthworm in the bottle.
The teacher poured Vodka in the bottle and asked Collin, 'what do u see?'
Collin: The earthworm is dead.
Teacher: what does it mean?
Collin: Sir, it means Vodka is the best dewormer in the world.
Teacher: ghasia
Unachapa mtoto wako alafu unambembeleza na biscuits,unamuu
liza "nani amekuchapa?" Mtoto anapoint mtu mwingine...hivo ndio corruption ilianza kenya 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Ati badala ya dem mkonde kuvaa ALWAYS anavaa ELASTOPLAST 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂I DIE
Hawa watu huwa na vipara hujuaje mwisho wa uso wakijiosha ?Hii kitu imenisumbua sana
I dont watch horror movies....siezi shtuliwa na kanjo,NTSA, KRA na landlord alafu tena niende nikajishtue kwa nyumba!!!!!!!
Never!!!!
Unaenda kwambia matha mwenye anaserve nyama kwa
party akuongezee. unamwambia kwa sauti ya chini na
yeye anashout... "toka hapa...kwani wengine watakula
stew bila nyama?!"
Safari ya kurudi kwa kiti inakuanga mrefu aki🚶🏻🚶🏻😂😂
*ALGEBRA*
Teacher: In algebra, if A=B n B=C it means A=C ....Can u use this to give me an example
Wafula: Sir, I love u & you love your daughter...that means that I love your daughter☺☺😇😇😇
Wakikuyu joh
Mwalimu; tunga sentensi ukitumia pesa..
Kang'ethe; apana zitaisha
Today i will be having a meeting with all the coachroches and rats 🐀🐀🐁🐀in my house to discuss how we will share the rent because up to now i don't know who owns the house😂😂😂
*Hamjambo mabinti mlio single?? ....mliobaki mtasalimiwa na mabwana zenu*😏
Forget about an electric shock, nothing shocks more than touching your pocket and not feeling your phone!!!😂😂😂😂
ati madem wengine wamechapa badala ya kutumia always wao hutumia sometimes😅😅😅
Alafu kama wewe Ni dem, Na unajua tuu vizuri uko Na sura mbaya,wewe ngojea tuu *neema ya bwana ikukujie*
Sio ati ushinde apo ukituambia ambia ati uko Na *uzuri WA ndani*
Hey bwana,sisi Ni wanaume,sisi sii minyoo
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
*Hizi mafuta madem hujipaka zina chemicals zote walai.... Nimekiss dem fulani kwa cheek nafeel nimekula periodic table mzima... Sai nikicheka natoa pop sound.. *
Husbands are the best people to share secrets with😃😃 coz they'll never tell anyone coz they are not even listening🙈🙈😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Pale githurai dame akashuka matt
Kidogo kidogo akapea makanga 10 Bob...
Makanga: madam ni mbao.
Dame:si umbao kwan unaniomba ruhusa🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂tumecheka adi amedai tushuke hatubebi.. Madame wa Githurwari kweli wana mambo
Men without beards what's your plan in life!???🤒🤒🤒to grow horns?????where do you scratch when you are thinking like a man????😏😏😏
alafu pale high school mbona ma commander wa scout walikua wanajiskia nika washakua KDF?? 😤😤😤😤😤😤ama ni mimi tu nilenda shule huku🤔🤔
Wavuta bangi watatu wamevunja duka la dhahabu ili waibe,
Mmoja kachukua dhahabu ,
Wa pili kachukua pesa ,
Wa tatu kakaa dukani,
Mwenye duka kaja na polisi kufungua mlango wakamkuta jamaa kakaa mguu juu ya mguu
Akaulizwa: kwa nini hukutoroka kama wenzako..??
Kajibu: Sisi tulikuwa watatu:-
Mmoja kachukua dhahabu,
Mwingine pesa na mimi nimechukua duka!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
"I like crying in the rain cause no one will notice"
People who put such status are the same same people who pee in swimming pools!,
Argue n I beat you
Kissing under the rain is romantic until lightening strikes both of you.
Have you ever smelled your own fart and wonder if your body is really the temple of God..
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Lakini kutembea na dem mshort these days ni tricky..mnatembea uhuru park kidogo kidogo hawker anamvalisha balloon kwa kichwa na anamwambia 'ambia daddy akulipie hiyo'
😂😂😂
Dear Google, Please stop behaving like a GIRL. Will u please allow me to complete the whole sentence before you start guessing & suggesting.
How slow should one pronounce this name to avoid mentioning something else... *Tom Mbayeye*
Kuna Mtu ananiuliza tofauti ya P1, P2, P3 na P9 namwambia P1-unasomea unaenda kulima watoto shule
P2- unalima mtu anaenda chemist and P3-unalima mtu anaenda police station ....
P9- unafanya kazi halafu unalimwa na government.....
Life ni hard..... 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Alafu unapeleka dem msapere kwa hoteli unaskia ameambia Waiter, "Niletee SGR!"....... kumbe tu ni Soup Githeri na Rice 😂😂😂😂
Tag them. Beautiful kikuyu ladies... 😂 😂 😂 😂
Lakini hakuna kitu tamu kama kuoa bibi hajasoma.
Wife: Beb, unaenda wapi.?
Hubby: Naenda kuchange profile pic yangu ya F.B Nairobi.
Wife. Sawa. Enda salama na uniletee kamisi ya purple.
😆😂😂😂😂😂
There are two type of Jesus.
1. The one that died on the cross for us..
2. Another jobless one that comes on your WhatsApp and threatens you to forward his messages else he will kill your family in 7 days .
😂😂😂😂😂
Mkiwa kwa jam alafu ucheki Dame kwa personal car akijipaka makeup💅🏿 na kuchanua💆🏿 nywele iyo ndio saloon 🚗car ama?
Dear ladies, replying to a text on time won't make you pregnant.
*Ushawai pigwa na dryspell mpaka msee akiongea Naked truth unajipata umeMbao??*🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 😂
When Milk men go on strike, they spill the milk on road. When Vegetable vendors go on strike, they throw vegetables on road.
When will the Bankers learn from these people!?
😜😝😜😂😂
U want a Girl with standing boobs right?,
kindly remove your boxer short n take a look at your balls If they are standing...idiot.......i die 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
*ATY MULISEMA KHALIGRAPH AKI PARARA NDO ATAITWA PARAGRAPH*🨰🤒
In the 1800s boys used to go to war, nowadays men in their 20s get hurt by blueticks.
😂💦😂💦😂💦😂👏👏👏👏👏
Just because a new chick moved into your area, you're now wearing a suit👔👖👞 to fetch water 😢😒
why my brother ?
TEACHER: If a person in Mexico is called a Mexican..What can we call someone from Jericho?
STUDENT: Jericcan
😂😂😂😂😂😂
KENYAN MEN speaks English when they're drunk while WOMEN speaks it during sex. Tusibishane it's in chapter four article (5) of Kenyan constitution
😂😆😂😆😂😂
Ushai kuwa na nguo flani ukivaa ni lazima ukutane na mtu flani na haukutanangi na yeye ukiwa na nguo ingine, adi unaskia kumwambia.. "bydha me nakuanga na manguo mingi sio hii tu.."😂😂😂😂😂😂
DEM:beb ukienda club wasichana no
BOY:kwani naenda ku advertise nivea for men.
Having sex at night when the sperms are asleep will prevent UNWANTED PREGNANCY 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
wisdom will kill me 😂😂😂🏃??🏃🏃
na nimeenda
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